I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
