4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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