i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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