im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize