I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
