Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
