Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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