flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
