you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
