so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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