Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
