kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
