i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
