the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
