Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
