I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My ass is underappreciated
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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