when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
