what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
