I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
