Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
