I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
pray to the hookup gods
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize