oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
