Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
