i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
