You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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