I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
