I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize