stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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