i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
