Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
