I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
