420 ftw
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
