guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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