so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize