i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
