So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
