i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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