You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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