Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
