When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize