Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
