I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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