the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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