you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Houston, we have a blender
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You've changed since you got that strap on
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