They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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