Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
