my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
