Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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