So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
