Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you never un-have a 4some
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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