just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
