Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
