the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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