brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
