I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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