soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
