meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
