just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize