Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
