the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
