It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
