She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
