i think i have two assholes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
