he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
