all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
