I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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