Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
