He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need moral support for this bender
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
