It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
