well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
