carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
