you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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