I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
