wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
