don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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