i barfeds in our rink
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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