I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
