sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
