Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
