we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
