Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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