Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
