Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My bed smells like the plague
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
